Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
