i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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