can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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