My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
