i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
