1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
