just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think my vagina is haunted
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
