Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
