i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
