At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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