why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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