Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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