after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
