WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
