Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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