I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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