She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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