I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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