I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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