I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
