it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
