Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
