I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
