and you said cock pushups were impossible
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
