I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
