How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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