Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
