Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
