Moan for me like Helen Keller
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
