Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
