Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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