Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
