I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
