idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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