I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
