he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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