This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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