I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
