Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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