dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
