I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
