I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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