you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
