got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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