maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
