Just cropdusted the office
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
