McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
