I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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