And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
