i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
