sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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