I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
