i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
