Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i believe in u and ur pee
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