your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
