he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
