i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
