what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
