my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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