it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
