He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
